"I never forget my wife's birthday. It's usually the day after she
reminds me about it." Anonymous

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"I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now." Anonymous

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"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." Anonymous

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"You are only young once, but you can stay immature
indefinitely." Anonymous

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"We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our
birthday is not to be reminded of it." Anonymous

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"When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a
birthday, she takes a year or two off." Anonymous

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"A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her
birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for."
Author Unknown

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"Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.” Author Unknown

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"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and
lie about your age." Lucille Ball

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"Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives." Maurice Chevalier

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"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.”
E. Joseph Cossman

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“I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message:
they hope it's my last.” Al Forman

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"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never
remembers her age." Robert Frost

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"Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that
I was born at a very early age." Groucho Marx

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"When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and
from the lavatory." John Mortimer

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“Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around
and sang Happy Birthday.” Stephen Wright

Funny Quotes About Friendship

~These funny quotes on friendship are great when you want to share some laughs
with your friend.~ _________________________________________________________________

"Show me a genuine case of platonic friendship, and I shall show you two old or
homely faces." Austin O'Malley

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"A good friend is cheaper than therapy." Author Unknown

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"A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are
half-cracked." Author Unknown

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"Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police." Author Unknown

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"One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out
of four murders are committed by people who know the victim." George Carlin

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"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to
be going down." Arnold Glasow

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"An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you m
ove a dead body." Jim Hayes

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"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and
still likes you." Elbert Hubbard

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"It takes a long time to grow an old friend." John Leonard

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"Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack.
Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces." Anne Morrow Lindbergh

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"The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends."
Gwyneth Paltrow

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"A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my
memory fails." Donna Roberts

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Funny Quotes About Retirement

~These funny quotes about retirement are perfect to put in a retirement
card or when writing a tribute.~

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"Sometimes it's hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work
or a punishment." Anonymous

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"In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is
Employee Appreciation Day." Anonymous

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"The money's no better in retirement but the hours are!" Anonymous

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"The best time to start thinking about your retirement is
before the boss does." Author Unknown

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"Retirement: World's longest coffee break." Author Unknown

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"The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending
money." Author Unknown

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"I've been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They're called
naps." Merri Brownworth

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"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I
still had pimples." George Burns

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"Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it
the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money." Jonathan Clements

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"The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at
what income." George Foreman

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"Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did." Malcolm Forbes

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"There are some who start their retirement long before they stop
working." Robert Half

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"A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job." Ella Harris

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"Retirement is the ugliest word in the language." Ernest Hemingway

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"I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress,
my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron." Hartman Jule

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"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off." Abe Lemons

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"When you retire, you switch bosses-from the one who hired you to the
one who married you." Gene Perret

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"I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day." Gene Perret

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"Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." Gene Perret

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"Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese." Gene Perret _________________________________________________________________

"Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever." Gene Perret

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"Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf." Gene Perret

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"In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball." Gene Perret

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"When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income." Chi Chi Rodriguez

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"When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking." Gail Sheehy

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"When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch." R.C. Sherriff

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"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want." Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

Life Begins At Retirement by retirementgifts

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