Short Funny Quotes
 Laughter is an Instant Vacation with Free DVD ~These short funny quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face.~ "The shortest distance between two points is under construction." Noelie Altito _________________________________________________________________
"I'm not young enough to know everything." J.M. Barrie
_________________________________________________________________ "I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" Yogi Berra _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ "If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either." Dick Cavett _________________________________________________________________ "A word to the wise ain't necessary-it's the stupid ones that need the advice." Bill Cosby _________________________________________________________________
"The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children." Clarence Darrow _________________________________________________________________ "A lot of fellows nowadays have a BA, MD, or PhD. Unfortunately they don’t have a J-O-B." Fats Domino _________________________________________________________________ "He's got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed." Leopold Fechtner _________________________________________________________________ "I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house." Zsa Zsa Gabor _________________________________________________________________ "The human mind is like an umbrella-it functions best when open." Walter Gropius
"Nothing is as hard to do gracefully as getting down off your high horse." Frank Jones _________________________________________________________________ "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon _________________________________________________________________ "I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep." Jim Loy _________________________________________________________________ "A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused." Shirley Maclaine _________________________________________________________________ "You don't know a woman till you've met her in court." Norman Mailer _________________________________________________________________ "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." Dean Martin _________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________ "I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man I have ever met!" Dwight L. Moody _________________________________________________________________ "Until I was 13, I thought my name was Shut Up." Joe Namath _________________________________________________________________ "Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished." Leslie Nielsen _________________________________________________________________ "I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to!" Elvis Presley _________________________________________________________________ "I would rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." Will Rogers _________________________________________________________________ "When I eventually met Mr. .Right I had no idea that his first name was Always." Rita Rudner _________________________________________________________________ "Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV." Jerry Seinfeld _________________________________________________________________ "Don't lose your head. It's the best part of your body." Jimmy Snyder _________________________________________________________________ "It's not that life is one darn thing after another. It's one darn thing over and over." Edna St. Vincent Millay _________________________________________________________________ "Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera!" James Stephens _________________________________________________________________ "The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise." Henry David Thoreau _________________________________________________________________ "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog." Harry S. Truman _________________________________________________________________
I saved the best quote for last, "Humor makes all things tolerable."
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