Mark Twain Quotes

~Wonderful Mark Twain Quotes~

"It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive." Mark Twain

"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read." Mark Twain

~Maybe The Only Cauliflower Quote You Will Ever Find~
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education." Mark Twain

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated." Mark Twain

"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved." Mark Twain

~This Mark Twain Quote Surely Brings Up A Good Question~
"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
Mark Twain

"Golf is a good walk spoiled." Mark Twain

"Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off guard and allow you opportunity to commit more." Mark Twain

"A lie can travel halfway round the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." Mark Twain

"All humor is derived from pain, ergo nothing in heaven is funny."
Mark Twain

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure." Mark Twain

"A man came into the the office one day and said he was a sailor. We cured him of that." Mark Twain

"A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar." Mark Twain

"The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice." Mark Twain

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

~A Wonderful Mark Twain Quote~
"The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one." Mark Twain

"An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it down till the average is three and a half." Mark Twain

"I love Wagner - if only they'd cut out all that damned singing!" Mark Twain

"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." Mark Twain

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
Mark Twain

"Don't let schooling interfere with your education." Mark Twain

"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." Mark Twain

"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label." Mark Twain

"Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement." Mark Twain

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."
Mark Twain

"Wagner's music is better than it sounds." Mark Twain

"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times." Mark Twain

"Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to." Mark Twain

"And she had a bath once a year.....whether she needed it or not."
Mark Twain

"An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces." Mark Twain

"An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar." Mark Twain

"Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't." Mark Twain

"Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today." Mark Twain

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." Mark Twain

"Be virtuous and you will be eccentric." Mark Twain

"A verb has a hard time enough of it in this world when it's all together. It's downright inhuman to split it up. But that's just what those Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it down here, like a stake, and they take the other part of it and put it away over yonder like another stake, and between these two limits they just shovel in German." Mark Twain

"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish." Mark Twain

"Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's life." Mark Twain

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." Mark Twain

"Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain." Mark Twain

~My Favorite Mark Twain Quote~
"Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain." Mark Twain

"Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody." Mark Twain

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